Astrological signs are like road signs, and if you’ve ever been
stranded in an eastern European satellite country, you know that you
aint gonna be able to read those signs unless you understand the
language. “language” is just a jumble of tiny pictures, looped
together, patted on the back and agreeded upon to mean something.
signs are similar, but they combine a lot of those tiny pictures
(words) with some general patterns (types) and trust the fact that
more often than not, nothing ever changes.
This is how I know that Aquarius really doesn’t believe what I’m
talking about, and Cancer doesn’t care (unless it applies to them).
Virgo doesn’t care because it doesn’t apply to them and they don’t
believe me, Gemini cares if they can use it for themselves, Scorpio
intuitively cares because they know it’s true, Leo cares cause it’s
about them, Pisces doesn’t know the difference, Taurus will hear me
out, Libra doesn’t get it, and Sagittarius does. Who have I forgotten?
Oh, Capricorn. Well who cares about them?
The word “scope,” suspiciously found lingering at the end of the word
horoscope, is like a big fat cosmic disclaimer that says “all
information provided here is relatively true (as in, not absolutely
false) and is subject to change on a dime, at any moment. Or not.”
Which is much better than that whole “For entertainment only”
disclaimers that usually sit jeering underneath these incredible
erudite and heartbreakingly accurate scopes.
To be perfectly honest, I judge you based on your sign. I’ve been
working with buddhists on how not to judge in general, but being a
Gemini, who is able to see both sides of every minutia of life,
judging comes as second naturely to me as breathing, and I’m quite
sure, if I gave it up, I would die just as quickly.
That being said, here is your scope for today, Dec. 22, 2006.
Aries: Watch your back, the last person you cheated out of money or
cheated on is right behind you.
Taurus: Beautiful people will ask you questions today that you do not
know the answer to. If you make it up as best you can, they will be
charmed.
Gemini: You’re up to your old tricks again but you’ve figured out how
to do them so they look new. Where do you come up with this stuff?
Cancer: The holidays are your least favorite time. Why is that?
Because you have to think about so many people you never wanted to
cross your mind again.
Leo: Have a heart today, someone needs your advice. It may be your
mother. You may get a guilt trip if you ignore her emails.
Virgo: It’s time to give and receive presents. Pretend to like the
ones you get that show your friends know nothing about you. Or don’t
care.
Libra: Your second nature today is to be giddy and child-like. You may
be embarrassed by yourself, especially if you start drinking.
Scorpio: Is there a gift you can think of that everyone in your life
needs? People are lucky they are getting anything from you.
Sagittarius: Stop sticking your nose in other people’s business. In
truth, you don’t want to know what’s going on behind your back.
Capricorn: The masses will praise your mental stamina and knowledge
today, especially over some obsolete trivia that no one actually needs
to know.
Aquarius: Where have you been spending your nights? Your parents are
starting to think they have one less child.
Pisces: Keep a sunny disposition today, and it will spread like a VD
to all around you. You are such a conduit.
